January 21, 2007, 8:00 pm : Someone get me a guitar, I’m writing an emo song.

Hello world. This is likely to be my last blog posting for a long while. I made this blog so all my friends and family at home could know how things are going while I was up in San Francisco. Well, that time has passed. I’m back home in Camarillo.

On Friday night Kelsey, my girlfriend of nearly 4 years asked me to move home. She said she wasn’t happy with life and she felt like she was living my life and that she didn’t know who she was anymore. She asked me to leave so she could do this on her own. It was a very “it’s not you, it’s me” type of situation but I think she really meant it. I don’t want to discuss any of the details, mostly out of respect for Kelsey. But know that I’m not mad at her and I’m fairly certain she’s not mad at me.

Kelsey was the love of my life so this is an incredibly difficult time for me. I love her more than anyone I’ve ever known. I really thought that she was the one. We’ve even discussed marriage, a idea I was finally beginning to warm up to. We were happy together most of the time. She’d become my best friend and now I feel like I have nothing. My heart is beyond broken, I feel lost and confused. The fact that I didn’t see this coming at all and that I was up in San Francisco without any close friends made this all so much harder.

Please don’t harbor any resentment toward Kelsey. She’s an amazing person and I want nothing more than for her to be happy. I really hope this works for her. I’m done saying how sad I am. Anyone who’s ever been in my position can probably relate and anyone who knows Kelsey, especially if they’ve know the two of us together, probably knows how much a part of my life she was and how hard this is for me.

Nevertheless, I plan to pick myself up, maybe not quite yet, but eventually. I think many hours of Zelda are in my immediate future. I might even try to eat and shower, since I haven’t done either of those things since all of this came to pass. My immediate plans are to catch up with some of my friends down here, play as much hockey as possible, and just do everything I can to keep my mind busy and off of all this.

I haven’t given up my dreams of working for Lucasfilm and I’m continuing with my freelance work for them. But there was no reason to stay in San Francisco by myself, I don’t think I could have afforded that anyway. I’m home for now, but hopefully San Francisco hasn’t seen the last of me.

I debated whether or not I wanted to even post about this, I don’t usually post private matters on here but thinking about all of this makes me feel like my life is ruined (I know, I know, that’s not true, but it feels that way) and I don’t want to be forced to relive it with every friend I see. Hopefully, by posting here, many of those friends will already know and I won’t have to repeat it a thousand times. I’m not looking for a pitty party of anything. I’m just trying to avoid having to explain this to everyone I know individually.

Thanks to all of you who have been cool to me. Thanks to everyone whose read my bloggings. I really hope all of you who I’ve befriended through or with Kelsey will continue to call me a friend and keep in touch, even though I’m not with her anymore. The next time something big happens to be I’ll do my best to start posting again but this is the end for now.

Lastly, Kelsey, if you’re reading this please know that I’ll always love you. Always. And if you ever need me please call. I’ve helped you through a lot of crisis and if you need my help again you just have to ask. I hope you find the happiness I couldn’t bring you.

Bye.

January 5, 2007, 3:31 am : Star Wars Spectacular at the Rose Parade (far more than just “spectacular”)